Leading Without Leaking: Practical Emotional Regulation for Leaders

If leaders are emotional thermostats for their teams, then managing their own temperature isn’t just personal, it’s organisational. In a previous post, we explored how emotions spread and intensify, particularly from people in power. The question now is: how can leaders manage what they transmit without becoming emotionally numb or inauthentic? Emotional regulation isn’t about faking it; it’s about being aware, intentional, and responsible with your emotions. In today’s emotionally charged environments, this is not just a skill; it’s leadership hygiene.

The Science
Emotional regulation involves processes that influence the type, intensity, duration, and expression of emotions. James Gross’s Process Model of Emotion Regulation outlines five core strategies: situation selection, situation modification, attention deployment, cognitive change (reappraisal), and response modulation (expression control).

Leadership research suggests that reappraisal (changing how one thinks about a situation) is more effective than suppression (hiding emotional responses). Suppression can reduce trust and authenticity, while reappraisal preserves both performance and interpersonal connection (Gross & John, 2003).

Moreover, emotional granularity—having a rich vocabulary for feelings—has been linked to better emotional regulation and resilience (Barrett et al., 2001). Leaders who can distinguish between feeling “overwhelmed,” “disappointed,” or “discouraged” are more equipped to manage their emotional states.

Key Practices for Emotionally Attuned Leadership

1. Label before you lead
   Use emotional literacy to name what you’re feeling. Studies show that leaders who regularly label their emotions are rated as more trustworthy and approachable by their teams (Kashdan et al., 2015). Labelling emotion reduces its intensity and improves your ability to choose your next move.
   Try: “I’m noticing I feel anxious about this deadline—but I think that’s rooted in uncertainty, not in distrust.”
   Don’t confuse labelling with oversharing—be honest, but also appropriate for the context and audience.

2. Build emotional boundaries, not walls
   Regulation isn’t detachment. Set emotional boundaries, pause before responding, take breaks, ask yourself: Is this mine or theirs? This helps leaders avoid emotional enmeshment while remaining empathetic.

3. Reappraise, don’t repress
   It’s important to remember that emotional regulation does not mean suppressing or ignoring your feelings. Overusing suppression can come across as inauthentic and may actually reduce trust within your team. Likewise, projecting constant positivity without acknowledging real challenges sometimes called “toxic positivity” can make team members feel unheard. Practice cognitive reappraisal instead, can this setback be a learning opportunity? Can frustration be reframed as a signal of care? This mindset shift changes what you project to your team.

4. Model healthy expressions
   Express emotion without losing control. It's OK to say, “This is disappointing,” if you also say, “But here’s what we can do next.” This builds trust and psychological safety.

5. Buffer your bandwidth
   Emotionally volatile leaders are often depleted leaders. Protect your emotional reserves with rituals, morning walks, breaks between meetings, journaling, coaching. Regulated leaders lead better.

6. De-escalate collective emotion
   When tension is rising in a team, slow things down. Use “emotional circuit breakers”: acknowledge the emotion in the room, offer perspective, and invite shared problem-solving.

7. Seek feedback on your emotional footprint
   Ask trusted colleagues how your emotions land. Do you come off colder than you mean to? More anxious? Feedback creates awareness. Awareness fuels adjustment. Emotional regulation is not a one-time skill, but an ongoing practice. Consider engaging in regular emotional intelligence training, peer coaching, or reflective journaling to deepen your self-awareness and adaptability as a leader.

In virtual or hybrid environments, emotional cues are often muted or lost. Leaders should be intentional about clarifying their emotional tone in written communications and use video calls when possible to convey warmth and empathy. Regular check-ins can help prevent misunderstandings and maintain connection.

Emotional expression norms vary across cultures, genders, and personalities. What feels open and authentic in one context may feel uncomfortable or inappropriate in another. Invite feedback and be willing to adapt your approach to support a diverse team.